What’s a drink problem?

What’s a drink problem? Good question, one that took me what, thirty years to get a handle on. When I started drinking I was the same as everyone else, I poured it down my throat as fast as I could until I passed out. Everyone enjoyed it thoroughly but they grew out of it. Don’t get me wrong, they continued to enjoy a drink but a drink for them became perhaps a couple of pints or a half and a half.

Me, I never settled down, I never started to drink a “sensible” amount. Was I an alki from day one, was it used to mask the depression that it took me decades to discover, I don’t know. The one thing that I do know is that if I had realised just what was going on, twenty or thirty years ago then things would be different.

If I had been aware then I would have realised the stupidity of my actions, I would have realised that I was spending all of my wages on alcohol and I would have attempted to do something about it.

I might not have been successful at that point but I would know that, in my heart,  I had tried.

I found out the truth a few years ago. It was surprisingly difficult to take it on board and understand that, yes, I’m an alcoholic but I did. I got to grips with it and gave up the drink in 2009. I have fallen off the horse since then but have been off the drink for what, sixteen or seventeen weeks now. I haven’t worked out how many weeks the counter above is telling me as it’s not really important. It’s only important that I’m still off the drink.

I’ll always be an alcoholic now. Right up until I die.

But if I get it right then I’ll be a sober one.