It's really quite strange

It's really quite strange. A number of years ago I was told by someone in my life, (I won't mention who.) that I was an alcoholic. I accepted that because I believed everything that this person said and eventually stopped drinking because of what I had been told.

I gave up drinking for thirteen months. I gave up purely and simply because I wanted to. In retrospect, if I was an alcoholic then it wouldn't have been quite as easy as that.

So now I'm left a little confused. I am supposedly an alcoholic but I chose to stop drinking and I stopped for over a year, without any problem at all. Since then, I've been off and on a number of times, ranging from one month off to six months off.

When I fall off the horse it's really not a problem, it is purely my choice. No more and no less, that's it, my choice. When I think about it, I'm not falling off the horse because in reality, I'm only choosing to have a drink or not have a drink. I'm not going through hell to stay away from alcohol, never have.

So, today I'm asking myself the question, “Do I want a drink, perhaps a large whisky?”

And the answer?

“Nah, think that I'll put the kettle on instead!!!”

A difficult bit that I'm going through

There is a difficult bit that I'm going through at the moment. Some years ago, I was told by my wife that I was an alcoholic and that I would have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with it. Now, at that stage I would do anything that she wanted me to do. She was my wife and I loved and trusted her so off to AA I went, only to find that they were all practising christians - practising right in front of me.

I stuck it out for six weeks until, hallelujah, I was converted and stopped going but now I wonder what that did to my drinking. Was I an alcoholic when I was sent to AA. I certainly wasn't a christian and it was not easy for me to put up with these freaky, raging, holier than though supposed believers, a good few that were born-again idiots.

I wonder what damage that has done, if any I must admit - but I certainly do not believe that it did any good.

When she left me I promptly went on the piss for a year but then stopped for just over a year, and when I say stopped I mean that I drank no alcohol at all for what, thirteen months and it was done with no problem.

The question at the bottom of my heart though, did this cause me to have a problem with alcohol, or to take on or gain a problem with alcohol.

I do wish that I had never gone anywhere near AA.

I also know that prior to that, there was no problem.