I'm doing OK

I've not had a drink for eleven days today and I'm feeling pretty good about it too. No shakes, no desperation and no great problems having a good nights sleep either.

These things might change tomorrow, they might change tonight, in fact they may well change in a couple of minutes time. That's how difficult alcohol can be, one moment you feel alright and the next it's all changed and you're desperate for a drink. That's where you get caught out and fall in your own face.

Hopefully, that won't happen for a good length of time. It has happened so many times before and I've had to pick myself up, shake off the dust and start again but fingers crossed, eh!?!?

So I'm aiming for no sight of booze. That means no visiting the pub etc, etc. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

Fingers crossed :))

Another drunken weekend at Costa Fortune

Yet another weekend where drink was more important than anything else. Pissed as a newt for around about forty-eight hours, unsure of what all went down my throat and less sure of what all came back up. Only sure of one thing and that is - today is day one, again.

Don't want no more!!!

When I first gave up drinking it was easy, I made the decision to stop and walked the walk for over a year. Since then though, it's been different, unfortunately. A month off here, two or three months there, even six months once but then I trip up again.

Promises all too often made to myself, like "I'll need to go to the pub to see who's there!!!", only to wake up the next day with no memory of who was there. Or, "I'll get a couple of cans in for tonight." and find out the next day that I've poured twenty quid down my throat. The rubbish and lies that I can wind myself up with are really amazing and I fall for it all.

So, the question has to be, "When will the next day one turn up?" Tomorrow perhaps, possibly next week or even next month?

Why is it so difficult to do again what I did in the first place. Why, when it wasn't a problem then? Why did I fall of my bike after so long? What reason was there for me to trip up then and continue to trip up again and again ever since?

I spent over a year walking the walk, thirteen months in fact, about three years ago.

Will I ever be talking the talk?

A good Tuesday in the town

It was getting to the stage where food supplies were getting short in the house so I decided to go into town and go to the supermarket and buy in all the necessary's.

As usual, all the food required was purchased by about lunchtime and that was when the difficult bit became obvious - again. It can be very hard for an alcoholic to get through two hours painlessly in town when he has nothing to do but wait, it's awfully easy to go to the pub, striding in and come out again crawling.

I went into the pub, chatting to the rest of them, socially and having a very nice time, keeping my eye on the clock though as I didn't want to miss the bus.

When I was there I drank two tins of coke, that was it, no more and it was sufficient for me. My thirst was gone and I was comfortable.

I left the pub on time, smiling and caught my bus ;)

I'll maybe see you next time

If you look at the top left you'll see how long it is since the last drink that I had and it's the third month that I'm into now, about three weeks until it's done and while there will those difficult days, there always are, they are getting easier and they will continue to get easier and easier as time goes by. Sometimes I walk past a pub, or I pass one on the bus and the heart thumps but I can't ignore these places, they won't disappear and I cannot avoid them. I often go into Da Wheel Bar when I have an hour or so to wait for a bus home, I think of it as a good way to become used to being around drink, after all, my friends often have a couple of pints and there's nothing wrong with that. What am I going to do, apart from waiting outside. No, I have to be able to sit in the pub, or stand at the bar and drink coffee or coke, whatever, but I have to be comfortable doing it.

I am getting there, sometimes it is difficult but it is going in the right direction.

I'll maybe see you next time. I'll have a soft drink, you can drink what you like, ok.

On the way home from the hospital

I had an appointment at the hospital yesterday and it all went as expected - 10.45 appointment, seen at 11.40. It's amazing just how many Mars Bars you can eat while seated. Anyway, I came out at twelve, got some lunch and did the shopping then looked at the time, 13.40. Time for the bus, 15.40. That meant that there were two hours to get rid of.

It was not the weather for staying outside so I went to the - pub.

Yes, that's right, I went to the pub and I got it right again. I had three tins of coke and was comfortable with that too.

Don't really want to have to tell you that I was boozing again, do I???

It's a new day today

It's a new day today and I feel good. A little strange as there's no sunshine, it has poured and poured with rain since I got out of bed three or four hours ago and, in effect, I'm trapped in the house.

This does not mean that as an alcoholic I have to go out though. I don't have to go to the pub and supposedly socialise while getting pissed through my addiction. I don't have to go to the shop to buy enough drink to get me through the weekend without the shakes and the sweats taking over.

No, I like to think that I'm past that stage. I may well be wrong (I've been there before...... once or twice!!!) and if I am then I'll find out the hard way and cope with it the hard way, shakes and sweats as mentioned, no, I'll cope.

I like to think that I'm past the stage where I fall by the wayside so easily now. I may be wrong but I hope not.

I no longer drink alcohol.

I do understand what it has done to me. Looking back is an effective manner to keep me off the demon drink.