No booze for me......

I drank on christmas eve and on the day itself but have remained dry since then. I will do my very best to stay off the demon too. Considering that I was off the drink for thirteen months when I first gave it up, I reckon that I can do it and more, again. This time around I have every intention to stay off it for life because it does you no favours at all. Lets face it, you get nothing other than an empty wallet and a hangover.

So, I'm in my second week of no alcohol, all the way through the New Year and it's working out quite well. No great difficulty, no sweats or shakes and the best one - no hangovers either, so it's hopefully going to be continued for a long, long time. I haven't been to the pub and let's face it, tea and coffee work out cheaper, both physically and mentally, not to mention financially.

I do intend to stay away from the demon drink for a long time. I do not see any point in going back to it, the main reason being that I'm an alcoholic. I can never get away from that, I always will be an alki but I can die a sober one and I can spend more money on food in the run up to that, if I stay off the demon.

So it's cheers to no alcoholic drink and cheers to as much tea and coffee, orange juice and lemonade that I can pour down my throat.

Sobriety rules for me now :))

I will still be an alki

Over the last wee while I've not done too badly. I've stuck to the tea and coffee, the juice and the tins of coke. When there is stuff like that in the house for me then there's less excuse for the demon drink to raise its ugly head.

It hurts though. The fact that this problem, that I control quite well, will last for ever, regardless of how well I do in staying away from alcohol, I will die an alcoholic. That is the painful bit.

The pain is not justifiable, well, not to me anyway. Why should I make so much effort and succeed in what I am  trying for and still it goes on.

When it comes to the last of my days, I will still be an alki, a bevvy artist - but that's life I guess.

But I will have a bit more cash in my pocket and perhaps less of a beer belly.

There is always hope :))

Alcohol in my blood

Yesterday, I had my last drink. No more alcohol in my blood  from now on because it does me no favours at all.

It dumbs me down, it makes me do stupid, dangerous things and then when I sober up I have no knowledge of the stupid things that I've done. Inherently insane.

No more, I'll stick to the tea and coffee et al ;))

A splash of milk

It is such a beautiful, sunny, warm morning and so often before, in a situation like this I would get myself a can of beer, cider, whatever and go outside and top up my sunburn.

Not now thank you. I prefer coffee, two sugars and a splash of milk please.

My hands no longer shake.

Saturday and society

It's a Saturday and I've just had my lunch (two sandwiches and a cuppa, I'm on a diet). Not so very long ago I would have been out of the door sharpish and off to either the shop for a carry-out, or if I was feeling particularly sociable, straight into the local bar for a large number of half 'n' halfs, one of the halfs regularly poured down my throat in a oner and an eye kept on the other to make sure that it hadn't evaporated.

But this Saturday won't happen like that. They don't because that isn't my life now. Tea, coffee and lots and lots of biscuits, enough to bring me out in spots and I'll be happy enough.

No hangover tomorrow either.

And you know what - I feel good about it too, it's the lack of alcohol that causes it ;)

I'll maybe see you next time

If you look at the top left you'll see how long it is since the last drink that I had and it's the third month that I'm into now, about three weeks until it's done and while there will those difficult days, there always are, they are getting easier and they will continue to get easier and easier as time goes by. Sometimes I walk past a pub, or I pass one on the bus and the heart thumps but I can't ignore these places, they won't disappear and I cannot avoid them. I often go into Da Wheel Bar when I have an hour or so to wait for a bus home, I think of it as a good way to become used to being around drink, after all, my friends often have a couple of pints and there's nothing wrong with that. What am I going to do, apart from waiting outside. No, I have to be able to sit in the pub, or stand at the bar and drink coffee or coke, whatever, but I have to be comfortable doing it.

I am getting there, sometimes it is difficult but it is going in the right direction.

I'll maybe see you next time. I'll have a soft drink, you can drink what you like, ok.

I've reached the two months now

I've done it, I've reached the two month stretch and I'll be honest - I'm really bloody pleased this time around.

When I first gave up I did thirteen months and I did it easily - and then I fell off the horse. To do a year and a bit without any alcohol I felt was good but then for a good while I was having a drink here, a drink there, sometimes not just "a drink" either.

Then I was six months free and feeling good about that, I was back on the horse and comfortable with it, no problem - until it was New Years Day and I spent eleven hours pouring liquid disaster down my throat. I got out of bed the next day with what I believe is called "A fucking hangover" but I might be wrong there, it might be called worse, probably is when I think about it.

No drink has passed my lips since then though, apart from the usual three gallons a day of tea, coffee, coke and orange juice but that won't hurt me any. That sort of thing doesn't generate a day of hell for the next day, in fact it causes the next day to feel pretty good, regardless of what the weather is like.

I have every intention of sticking it out this time around, to stick it out longer than the last time, in fact longer than the first time. In fact, if I never drink alcohol, booze, bevy, call it what you may again, it will be too soon.

A lifetime too soon.

By the end of today it will be two months sober!!!

By the end of today, if I have behaved myself and the depression has not hit, if I haven't slipped into the hotel while passing or bought whisky from the shop, then it will be two months since the last little slip-up. I'm like you  in many ways, I'm like the rest of Scotland, I can't afford to drink because it's so bloody expensive, whatever it is.

And I am like the other how many people that we all know, the "heavy drinkers", I wonder what sort of percentage of them are just heavy drinkers, as they claim to be and what percentage are actually alcoholics but won't admit it, perhaps don't realise it yet because there is still enough money in their pocket, they've still got a job and they've held onto their driving license.

You would be surprised if you found out the truth there - you might get worried and think about changing your habits.

Go on, do yourself a favour, before it all turns to shit.

I think that I do myself a favour every day that I stay sober, that I stay away from alcohol, from beer or whisky, from the drink that I used to enjoy, before it did turn to shit.

Can't go down that road again.

Please, don't even go to take a look, it's shit getting out of the hole again.

Back to the weekend

It's Saturday lunchtime and there is no booze in the house. I have no intention of going out to buy any either. I have even less intention of going to the bar at the hotel, just down the road.

Would you like to know why?

It's pissing down with snow - just not wandering weather today.

But it is coffee weather, it'll do me no harm at all!!!

Not too good

No drink today but the need is there. It's a bitch, it really is. I'll try and have a good dinner, for a start, it won't do me any harm and it'll also give my mind something to work on. That does me a lot of good. Stops me moaning too.

Haven't had a drink for over a month and it's shit, I need one - or ten!!!

Wonder if some coffee will help???

The fourth week!!!

I haven't touched alcohol for three weeks now and I've started my fourth week. I'm feeling good too but I have to admit that I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't got pissed on New Years Day.

It was my fault, there's no-one else to blame and I have to accept that. Don't worry, I won't do time for it but I have put myself on the 2012 Challenge. I did thirteen months when I first gave up but I did fall off the horse, then it was six months but I intend to do a lot longer this time and I'll do it smiling too.

Drinking coffee and coke has never done me any harm and whisky has never done me any good so that indicates where I should be.

No excuses - no forgetting - and no falling of the horse either ;)

The working level's working

I commented yesterday on the fact that I was then on the working level of Acamprosate but in the back of my mind there was some concern. I was a bit worried as to just what else it would do to me. Twenty-four hours later it turns out (so far) to have been no more than paranoia as there is no other outcome showing head yet.

So far, so good, no desire for drink, alcohol, bevvy, whatever you choose to call it. The idea of having a cup of coffee or a cup of tea is more my thing at the moment.

There are no guarantees in this life but I'm hoping that I'll stand the pace, get away from the alcohol problem and biggest of all - stay away and not drift back.