Another drunken weekend at Costa Fortune

Yet another weekend where drink was more important than anything else. Pissed as a newt for around about forty-eight hours, unsure of what all went down my throat and less sure of what all came back up. Only sure of one thing and that is - today is day one, again.

Don't want no more!!!

When I first gave up drinking it was easy, I made the decision to stop and walked the walk for over a year. Since then though, it's been different, unfortunately. A month off here, two or three months there, even six months once but then I trip up again.

Promises all too often made to myself, like "I'll need to go to the pub to see who's there!!!", only to wake up the next day with no memory of who was there. Or, "I'll get a couple of cans in for tonight." and find out the next day that I've poured twenty quid down my throat. The rubbish and lies that I can wind myself up with are really amazing and I fall for it all.

So, the question has to be, "When will the next day one turn up?" Tomorrow perhaps, possibly next week or even next month?

Why is it so difficult to do again what I did in the first place. Why, when it wasn't a problem then? Why did I fall of my bike after so long? What reason was there for me to trip up then and continue to trip up again and again ever since?

I spent over a year walking the walk, thirteen months in fact, about three years ago.

Will I ever be talking the talk?

Who thought that they'd conquered the drink?

I had been doing so well in staying away from the drink, in not wanting any, not having any problem with it. Yesterday I got out of the hospital after landing there on Tuesday evening because I was pissed, yet again.

All these hopes, all these beliefs and then the truth comes out. I got well and truly pissed as a fart again. Not too good, eh. Perhaps I do have a problem here after all, perhaps I am a raging alcoholic after all.

Now it’s time to really do something about it. I’m not sure exactly what yet but I’ll find out and take action. Can’t let this continue because if I do it will just get worse and worse.

That would be no good, now would it. Dr Unsworth would give up on me!!!

By the end of today it will be two months sober!!!

By the end of today, if I have behaved myself and the depression has not hit, if I haven't slipped into the hotel while passing or bought whisky from the shop, then it will be two months since the last little slip-up. I'm like you  in many ways, I'm like the rest of Scotland, I can't afford to drink because it's so bloody expensive, whatever it is.

And I am like the other how many people that we all know, the "heavy drinkers", I wonder what sort of percentage of them are just heavy drinkers, as they claim to be and what percentage are actually alcoholics but won't admit it, perhaps don't realise it yet because there is still enough money in their pocket, they've still got a job and they've held onto their driving license.

You would be surprised if you found out the truth there - you might get worried and think about changing your habits.

Go on, do yourself a favour, before it all turns to shit.

I think that I do myself a favour every day that I stay sober, that I stay away from alcohol, from beer or whisky, from the drink that I used to enjoy, before it did turn to shit.

Can't go down that road again.

Please, don't even go to take a look, it's shit getting out of the hole again.

Survived last night

Survived last night but it was a bit of a bugger. I made sure and went to bed early so that I wouldn't - couldn't -  fall astray. If I had stayed up then I could have gone to the St Magnus Bay Hotel which is only a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. And the result of that? Poverty. Poverty and pissed, pissed as a newt but I held out on it.

I'll hold out tonight too. I might feel pretty desperate for a wee dramn tonight but it's not worth giving in. It may well be desperate but staying sober causes fewer problems than getting pissed so, although it might hurt a bit, I do know what's good for me.

I've got eight tins of coke in. I'll drink them instead.

And taking the Campral should stop me moaning too.

I'll die sober and smiling

That's what - a month and three days with no alcohol and I feel pretty good. No desperation, none of the old shakes or sweats but I suppose that they might pop up, now and again.

One thing that does annoy me. When I first gave up, 14th September, 2009, I was off the drink for thirteen months and there was no problem at all, until........... Well, you've all heard the story before. If that story hadn't been there to be written, I would have been sober for about two and a half years. Just now though, a month.

I will get there though. I'll get past the two and a half years and I'll be smiling. I intend to get past ten years while sober and smiling.

I'll die sober and smiling.

Then I'll have fun :))

The fourth week!!!

I haven't touched alcohol for three weeks now and I've started my fourth week. I'm feeling good too but I have to admit that I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't got pissed on New Years Day.

It was my fault, there's no-one else to blame and I have to accept that. Don't worry, I won't do time for it but I have put myself on the 2012 Challenge. I did thirteen months when I first gave up but I did fall off the horse, then it was six months but I intend to do a lot longer this time and I'll do it smiling too.

Drinking coffee and coke has never done me any harm and whisky has never done me any good so that indicates where I should be.

No excuses - no forgetting - and no falling of the horse either ;)

What happened on New Year's Day

Ah, yes, just what happened on the first day of the year?

The night of New Year's Eve I was in bed at a reasonable time, with a nice cup of tea and woke up on the first of January feeling good. I posted here and then...... and then a friend from a few doors down the road popped in to wish me a Happy New Year about 2.00pm and we had a dramn and eleven hours later I staggered off to bed - pissed as a newt.

So, I've dried out but am still a bit hung-over. Not surprising, considering what I drank my way through. Certainly nothing to be proud of though. Six months of sobriety down the pan.

Today is, in effect, day one - again.

Shit :(

The New Years Eve Kick-Off

This is it folks, the kick-off for the New Years Eve celebrations. No messing around here, you can bet on it. Dinner will be a great big fry-up, served with fresh orange juice. There won't be a pudding but there'll be a lot of cake, proudly served with a couple of tins of coke.

No point messing about, I'm in it to enjoy myself tonight, not just tonight either. Tomorrow, the alarm will go off at around seven o'clock and the computer will be warming up along with the kettle. As soon as the coffee is ready then I'll be online, bright and cheerful.

Hangover - what bloody hangover???

Not my style, not my style at all now.