A large coke - and don't get cheeky!!!

I'm in Lerwick, the big toon as it were here in Shetland, to pick up a couple of messages and I've been left with three and a half hours to waste. Right now I'm in the library, doing what people do in libraries without getting arrested but soon I'm going to go down to Da Wheel Bar and drink large amounts of stiff cokes - don't get wide now, what else does a man like me drink in a bar without getting pissed, eh?

Then I'll get on the bus and go home again after having had a good blether to whoever is standing beside me and willing to talk shite to a sober man. You never know, there might be one or two of them, in for the same reason, that be to get rid of and learn to cope with alcoholism. They're not in every night but usually.

I have fallen off the horse once or twice and I will do it again and again but it gets to be rarer and rarer, less often in a month or a year, whichever, but it gets rarer so it's going the right way and one day soon I'll be able to say that I am a sober man.

I hope that it doesn't take too long to get over the alcohol problem. I hate asking for "A large coke." 

I will still be an alki

Over the last wee while I've not done too badly. I've stuck to the tea and coffee, the juice and the tins of coke. When there is stuff like that in the house for me then there's less excuse for the demon drink to raise its ugly head.

It hurts though. The fact that this problem, that I control quite well, will last for ever, regardless of how well I do in staying away from alcohol, I will die an alcoholic. That is the painful bit.

The pain is not justifiable, well, not to me anyway. Why should I make so much effort and succeed in what I am  trying for and still it goes on.

When it comes to the last of my days, I will still be an alki, a bevvy artist - but that's life I guess.

But I will have a bit more cash in my pocket and perhaps less of a beer belly.

There is always hope :))

A good Tuesday in the town

It was getting to the stage where food supplies were getting short in the house so I decided to go into town and go to the supermarket and buy in all the necessary's.

As usual, all the food required was purchased by about lunchtime and that was when the difficult bit became obvious - again. It can be very hard for an alcoholic to get through two hours painlessly in town when he has nothing to do but wait, it's awfully easy to go to the pub, striding in and come out again crawling.

I went into the pub, chatting to the rest of them, socially and having a very nice time, keeping my eye on the clock though as I didn't want to miss the bus.

When I was there I drank two tins of coke, that was it, no more and it was sufficient for me. My thirst was gone and I was comfortable.

I left the pub on time, smiling and caught my bus ;)

I'll maybe see you next time

If you look at the top left you'll see how long it is since the last drink that I had and it's the third month that I'm into now, about three weeks until it's done and while there will those difficult days, there always are, they are getting easier and they will continue to get easier and easier as time goes by. Sometimes I walk past a pub, or I pass one on the bus and the heart thumps but I can't ignore these places, they won't disappear and I cannot avoid them. I often go into Da Wheel Bar when I have an hour or so to wait for a bus home, I think of it as a good way to become used to being around drink, after all, my friends often have a couple of pints and there's nothing wrong with that. What am I going to do, apart from waiting outside. No, I have to be able to sit in the pub, or stand at the bar and drink coffee or coke, whatever, but I have to be comfortable doing it.

I am getting there, sometimes it is difficult but it is going in the right direction.

I'll maybe see you next time. I'll have a soft drink, you can drink what you like, ok.

I've reached the two months now

I've done it, I've reached the two month stretch and I'll be honest - I'm really bloody pleased this time around.

When I first gave up I did thirteen months and I did it easily - and then I fell off the horse. To do a year and a bit without any alcohol I felt was good but then for a good while I was having a drink here, a drink there, sometimes not just "a drink" either.

Then I was six months free and feeling good about that, I was back on the horse and comfortable with it, no problem - until it was New Years Day and I spent eleven hours pouring liquid disaster down my throat. I got out of bed the next day with what I believe is called "A fucking hangover" but I might be wrong there, it might be called worse, probably is when I think about it.

No drink has passed my lips since then though, apart from the usual three gallons a day of tea, coffee, coke and orange juice but that won't hurt me any. That sort of thing doesn't generate a day of hell for the next day, in fact it causes the next day to feel pretty good, regardless of what the weather is like.

I have every intention of sticking it out this time around, to stick it out longer than the last time, in fact longer than the first time. In fact, if I never drink alcohol, booze, bevy, call it what you may again, it will be too soon.

A lifetime too soon.

Survived last night

Survived last night but it was a bit of a bugger. I made sure and went to bed early so that I wouldn't - couldn't -  fall astray. If I had stayed up then I could have gone to the St Magnus Bay Hotel which is only a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. And the result of that? Poverty. Poverty and pissed, pissed as a newt but I held out on it.

I'll hold out tonight too. I might feel pretty desperate for a wee dramn tonight but it's not worth giving in. It may well be desperate but staying sober causes fewer problems than getting pissed so, although it might hurt a bit, I do know what's good for me.

I've got eight tins of coke in. I'll drink them instead.

And taking the Campral should stop me moaning too.

On the way home from the hospital

I had an appointment at the hospital yesterday and it all went as expected - 10.45 appointment, seen at 11.40. It's amazing just how many Mars Bars you can eat while seated. Anyway, I came out at twelve, got some lunch and did the shopping then looked at the time, 13.40. Time for the bus, 15.40. That meant that there were two hours to get rid of.

It was not the weather for staying outside so I went to the - pub.

Yes, that's right, I went to the pub and I got it right again. I had three tins of coke and was comfortable with that too.

Don't really want to have to tell you that I was boozing again, do I???

The fourth week!!!

I haven't touched alcohol for three weeks now and I've started my fourth week. I'm feeling good too but I have to admit that I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't got pissed on New Years Day.

It was my fault, there's no-one else to blame and I have to accept that. Don't worry, I won't do time for it but I have put myself on the 2012 Challenge. I did thirteen months when I first gave up but I did fall off the horse, then it was six months but I intend to do a lot longer this time and I'll do it smiling too.

Drinking coffee and coke has never done me any harm and whisky has never done me any good so that indicates where I should be.

No excuses - no forgetting - and no falling of the horse either ;)