Five days alcohol-free

I've been at the drink again since I wrote last time. Incredible just how stupid I can be at times, isn't it. Having said that, I'm on drink-free day five at the moment, with no intention of falling by the wayside again. I know that I've said things like this before but I like to think that this time around there is a lot of determination to win at it.

There are annoying bits in my drink-free history though. I did thirteen months without alcohol between 2009 and 2010, six months in 2011 and a month here and three months there this year. The bit that gets to me is the fact that I managed thirteen painless months and then fell off the horse. Since then I've not even managed half as much but that's so far. This time I like to think that I'm on a winner (fingers crossed) for good. If it doesn't last then it's just an everlasting problem and there are enough of them already.

The longer that I'm off the demon the easier it gets and when you think of the number of people that you know who don't drink alcohol and never have, it makes you realise that it shouldn't be that difficult.

It isn't for them, they're not addicted, now are they?

I need a drink, because of love

My girlfriend just gave me the flick and it hurts, right in the heart. Makes the alcohol kind of necessary, if you know what I mean.

Haven't had anything to drink yet but things may well change. This is what love and emotions, thing like that do to you. The pain and the heartache come in and remind you of how you were yesterday.

Really shouldn't let the drink in because that does even more damage, causes more pain, more problems but what the heck - Cheers!!!

Yesterday I was pissed (off)

Yesterday I went to the shop, supposedly to buy bits and bobs to eat but came home with cider and whisky. There is some of each left but not a lot. The greatest (or worst) thing left is the pile of disjointed thoughts that is carried by my excuse for a brain.

The thoughts revolve around stupidity, addiction, weakness and confusion. My so-called intelligence. It really is frustrating because I know that I am intelligent - but, with drink, I am stupid, thick and retarded.

So, I know that I can have one but not both. Inherently, that has been with me for decades but has been ignored from day one because I needed to be able to escape from all the pain and confusion that circled me, just waiting to attack, waiting for the opportunity to get into my mind and strike, wreak and damage. And then? Smile, perhaps a little laugh and skip away until the next time.

And me, left broken and gasping, trying to continue with life but unsure how much further I will fall down the hole of "Death by outright, thoughtless, crass, fucking stupidity." :(

So I drank the drink that I brought in yesterday, well, most of it anyway. I'll finish it today. It's not enough to either blank out or cure but there is always hope, isn't there.

Or is there, is there really always some hope.

Saturday's a bastard

It is a bastard if you want to stay off the bevvie anyway. If I wasn't staying off then tomorrow would be Sunday, all the time in the world to dry out (or so I would think), tons of coffee and maybe a bite to eat.

But today, Saturday, bastard or not is as good as any other day to stay sober. If I don't then it just screws up the other guff in my life, like epilepsy and depression and all the rest.

I paid all that money for the booze and look what it gave me, all those years ago. Funny, eh :))

Survived last night

Survived last night but it was a bit of a bugger. I made sure and went to bed early so that I wouldn't - couldn't -  fall astray. If I had stayed up then I could have gone to the St Magnus Bay Hotel which is only a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. And the result of that? Poverty. Poverty and pissed, pissed as a newt but I held out on it.

I'll hold out tonight too. I might feel pretty desperate for a wee dramn tonight but it's not worth giving in. It may well be desperate but staying sober causes fewer problems than getting pissed so, although it might hurt a bit, I do know what's good for me.

I've got eight tins of coke in. I'll drink them instead.

And taking the Campral should stop me moaning too.

Not too good

No drink today but the need is there. It's a bitch, it really is. I'll try and have a good dinner, for a start, it won't do me any harm and it'll also give my mind something to work on. That does me a lot of good. Stops me moaning too.

Haven't had a drink for over a month and it's shit, I need one - or ten!!!

Wonder if some coffee will help???

Early night tonight

Think that I'll have an early night tonight. The latest copy of Web Designer has just come in so I'm going to make a pint or so of tea and take it off to bed with me (I've already had an early dinner) and the magazine will be under my arm as I climb into bed.

That'll keep me out of trouble, and booze, this evening.

No complaints about going to sleep sober!!!

Haven't fallen off the horse

The thoughts have been in my head but as yet I haven't fallen off the horse. I'll always have these thoughts I think but as time goes by they'll get lighter and lighter, further apart.

When I run out of things to talk about then I'll let you know :))

The New Years Eve Kick-Off

This is it folks, the kick-off for the New Years Eve celebrations. No messing around here, you can bet on it. Dinner will be a great big fry-up, served with fresh orange juice. There won't be a pudding but there'll be a lot of cake, proudly served with a couple of tins of coke.

No point messing about, I'm in it to enjoy myself tonight, not just tonight either. Tomorrow, the alarm will go off at around seven o'clock and the computer will be warming up along with the kettle. As soon as the coffee is ready then I'll be online, bright and cheerful.

Hangover - what bloody hangover???

Not my style, not my style at all now.