Tuesday 20 March 2012

It's fucked me up before

It's a beautiful spring day, the sun is out and the daffodils are flowering. I walked down to the cliffs and sat up top and looked out across the Atlantic ocean for a good long while. It does me a lot of good but I don't understand it. My doctor doesn't understand it either but so what, it does what I need it to do, when I need it done.

If the demand for drink gets to me then a walk up to the top of the cliffs is great, day or night, wet or dry, cold or warm. Who cares, if the weather is that bad then I'll make up a flask of boiling hot coffee and take it with me because I'm sure that you know the score - if the drink gets at you then you have a problem and it has to be dealt with and you have to be the winner.

So, I head up to the top of the cliffs and when I get there I sit down and have a coffee. It's often wet so my arse quickly joins in and in no time it's soaking too. Who cares, what are they going to do, laugh and point? They can kiss it and I'll be the one with a smile on my face.

Regardless, it's a great place to sit and think, to question why you have such a problem with drink, why you're willing to spend so much on it, why you're willing to make such a fucking mess of yourself - and all for nothing.

Sometimes I can see the answer and sometimes I can't but I always know that drink is my worst enemy and I need to stay away from it.

I need to stay away from it because it's fucked me up before.

If it gets half a chance, it'll fuck me up again.

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