Going back soon

It's a couple of weeks before I go back to uni and I'm looking forward to it. A little more sensibility in life when I'm there, less time sitting here at home wondering just what to do next.

When there are times like that, to sit around wondering just what to do it is all too easy to drift away and start the alcohol dreams - and once started they have a tendency to go from bad to worse - not a good sign, too easy to wander down to the hotel for a half and a half, or down to the shop for a wee carry-out.

Both of these are deadly as they are never what is promised on the label. The label will say "A couple of pint's" or "A half and a half" and in reality what they are set out to be is total unconsciousness. Let's be honest about it, let's accept just what alcoholism really does to you. It causes alcohol-driven unconsciousness, as regularly as possible.

That means that there is no money to feed you or your family, no money to pay the rent or the rest of the bills.

Just as well that I took on board the problem that I had. Pity it took so long to get through to me.

If you have a drink problem, what are you going to do about it?

It's a beautiful sunny Sunday

Today it's a beautiful sunny Sunday, calm and warm and perfect for a short walk along to the hotel for a couple of pints in the garden outside. Personally, I think that I'll skip it today.

Today is one of those days that, if offered alcoholic drink, I'd dive in. These days come and go and it's no big deal. When it's like this then I just steer away from hotels, bars, whatever. If I were in town at the moment then I would go to the cafe for a coffee and a bacon roll.

Sometimes I do go to the alcohol shop - and I happily drink coke or coffee, whatever I fancy but I do my best to keep away from the demon drink because when I go that way then I'm in the shit.

Just noticed that in about one and a quarter hours I'll have been off the drink for sixty-four days. Takes a lot of tea to fill up that length of time.

Alcohol-free for fifty-eight days

At this point I have been free from alcohol for fifty-eight and three-quarter days and I feel pretty good about it too. I have to be careful though, if I feel too good then it's easy to trip myself up and then I will end up back in the shit again. That means that I must remain aware of reality and where the traps are for me to avoid.

For instance, today I got the bus into town so that I could pop into uni and deal with restarting this year. Once that was dealt with I did the shopping and cancelled starvation for the week. Now I am in the library and will be here for three hours or so, waiting until it's time for the bus to take me home. This has been a difficult time in the past. The three hours that I have to spend here can be a long three hours and it is easy to promise yourself a cup of coffee or a can of coke and a chat with your friends in the pub and I do have to do that sometimes if I want a chat with my friends but sometimes, well sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth.

In a couple of hours I'll see how I feel, whether it would be a good idea to go for a soft drink - I might go for it, I might not, we'll see. I might just take a stroll down to the harbour and gaze out to sea, enjoy the sun and top up the suntan that I don't have.

Whatever I do, I will not drink alcohol.

Cheers.

A dramn on the way out

It's now about seven and a half weeks since I had the sense to stop drinking alcohol again and I really feel good within myself. I still worry that I will trip up and make the same mistakes but as time goes on it gets less and less likely. The worry will hang about for a while. After all, I was totally alcohol-free for thirteen months and decided to celebrate being sober for that period with - that's right - three days on the piss.

We live and learn. Sometimes we have to learn the same thing again and again - and again, purely because the addiction can literally take a lifetime to deal with. Sometimes it is never dealt with. I may die gasping for a drink.

A dramn on the way out won't do any harm, will it?