I hope that you all enjoy yourselves

It's only a few days until Christmas now and I hope that you all enjoy yourselves, Santa is very generous to you and you can remain at least relatively sober throughout.

Personally, I don't like Christmas. It revolves around two things. Christmas is firstly an excuse to spend vast amounts of money in the so-called sales and secondly, a very large festival in a dying religion. Firstly, I no longer have any interest in the sales and secondly, I'm a practicing atheist so sod religion.

This makes it a pretty boring period for me and that tends to encourage drinking alcohol, which I do not want to do. When I do drink it, I drink far too much and considering that I am coming to the end of my third week totally sober, no alcoholic drink has passed my lips in this time and it would be good to keep this up for a year or two - or perhaps a lifetime - and this period that was, a long time ago, primarily a religious celebration means nothing but boredom to me. Therefore, it's a difficult time for me to stay sober.

I will certainly keep my computer on, allowing me to stay in touch with humanity. I will ensure that I am well fed throughout the period as that does help to keep me away from drink and I hope that it snows all the way through as I love snow.

And finally, if we all stay sober over the Christmas period then we will realise what a gross waste of money it really is.

Merry Christmas :))

Another day without drink or violence

It’s yet another day after the disaster that I mentioned yesterday, last Friday morning when she assaulted me. She was drunk at the time, very drunk and had been since the previous evening. I don’t know if the drink made her do it or if it just allowed her to do it as there is a difference but I don’t care because she just did it with hate in her eyes. That’s enough for me.

I’m an alcoholic, as I have said many times before but I do not lose control when I’m drunk. I’m not perfect but I have the sense to retain control but she apparently doesn’t. Was that the true self for me to see at last. If so, it could have come out sooner and a little less painfully. I don’t mean physically, I mean painfully emotionally, right in the heart.

I have a different view of alcohol now. I see what it can release in us, what it can allow to happen, for whatever reason and the damage that it can create, that it can cause to take place.

I still hope that she can remember what she did and why she did it. I hope that she can deal with the problems that the drink either allowed or caused to happen.

I continue to do my best to stay off the drink. Now I have another good reason to stay sober.

I can only hope for her!!!

Taken away

She got drunk, she struck me, she got taken away by the police. That happened a few days ago and is as good a reason that I can think of to stay off the drink.

Drink does that to some people. Not all, admittedly but too many to make it worthwhile. It gets people into trouble for no reason other than their loss of sense and that is because they have consumed too much alcohol for them to cope with. Why have they drunk so much? Because they are, like me, what is known as an alcoholic.

When I think about it, when I look back and consider what has happened due to alcohol in my life, I wonder why people drink it, why it is seen as a social drink and why it remains legal. Possibly because there are that many alcoholics that remain in denial just like she does.

I do not remain in denial. I fight it. I still cannot cope with drink but I fight it. Not all of us do that, do we?

Off the drink

It's twenty days now since the last alcoholic drink was swallowed by me. No problem, no sweats or shakes and no big deal so no fuss.

Do I still have the problem, both social and medical, that I had before? I don't think that I do but I know that I have to consider myself as an alcoholic until my dying day. If I don't then I will insist on behaving like one whether I choose to or not and I would rather stay away from that sort of caper from now on :))

Five days alcohol-free

I've been at the drink again since I wrote last time. Incredible just how stupid I can be at times, isn't it. Having said that, I'm on drink-free day five at the moment, with no intention of falling by the wayside again. I know that I've said things like this before but I like to think that this time around there is a lot of determination to win at it.

There are annoying bits in my drink-free history though. I did thirteen months without alcohol between 2009 and 2010, six months in 2011 and a month here and three months there this year. The bit that gets to me is the fact that I managed thirteen painless months and then fell off the horse. Since then I've not even managed half as much but that's so far. This time I like to think that I'm on a winner (fingers crossed) for good. If it doesn't last then it's just an everlasting problem and there are enough of them already.

The longer that I'm off the demon the easier it gets and when you think of the number of people that you know who don't drink alcohol and never have, it makes you realise that it shouldn't be that difficult.

It isn't for them, they're not addicted, now are they?

Who thought that they'd conquered the drink?

I had been doing so well in staying away from the drink, in not wanting any, not having any problem with it. Yesterday I got out of the hospital after landing there on Tuesday evening because I was pissed, yet again.

All these hopes, all these beliefs and then the truth comes out. I got well and truly pissed as a fart again. Not too good, eh. Perhaps I do have a problem here after all, perhaps I am a raging alcoholic after all.

Now it’s time to really do something about it. I’m not sure exactly what yet but I’ll find out and take action. Can’t let this continue because if I do it will just get worse and worse.

That would be no good, now would it. Dr Unsworth would give up on me!!!

Home brew and swallowing the pressure-fed lies

Some time ago I fancied making some cider and perhaps some beer but was concerned what the outcome of  around eighty pints of home brew would be. It was rather surprising, to say the least.

I was worried that having so much drink in the house would be almost fatal as I believed that I am an alcoholic and would get stuck right into it all immediately it was ready. Luckily, it didn't go this way though. I actually behaved sensibly, having a pint here and there but nothing excessive. This made me question my roots as an alcoholic.

Some years ago, the woman that I am separated from convinced me that I was suffering from alcoholism. It was easier for me to accept this and join Alcoholics Anonymous as instructed by her than to dispute it, so off to A.A. I went and gave up for a while. I must admit that it bored me so I only went for a short while then gave up the A.A, going back to the odd drink.

After we split up I stopped drinking for over a year without any problem but then slipped back to the whisky and the cider. Since then I have been off and on the drink without any problem, without drinking too much at any time, only taking a drink when I fancied one, generally being pretty well behaved, without any effort at all.

A bit of thought on my part showed me where the alcoholism came from. It was fed to me by the wife, for what reason I don't know but it was fed to me and to keep the peace I accepted it, even carrying it on beyond my marriage. What a lot of crap. I should have behaved sensibly and stood up for myself instead of swallowing the pressure-fed lies that were inflicted upon me.

I enjoy the ginger beer that I brew up and my girlfriend likes it too. We also like the other things that I brew so it's time to get some more on the go.

Cheers :))

Is it a big question?

No drink now for about three or four weeks, perhaps longer because I don't have a date on the last one. I'm down south with my girlfriend just now and life is good so why should I destroy it all with alcohol?

Is it a big question or is it as obvious to you as it is to me, duh?

The "Cutting down" trick

I have to admit that like so many other folk, the drink was troubling me so much. Not having a beer or a cider in the back garden when it was a nice sunny day and everyone else had what I had so I'm trying the "Cutting down" trick at the moment.

I'm having a beer or whatever and enjoying it. I'm behaving myself and having the odd half pint, nothing silly and if that carries on then great but if it gets out of hand then it's back off the booze again, sobriety strikes again.

I'm also brewing my own beer at the moment. Saves a fortune and you can make it taste as you like it. I'm behaving myself at the moment with all this beer in the house and I'm pleased with myself. There's gallons of the stuff on the shelf and only good behaviour.

When this keg is finished I'll do some cider. Never done cider before and I like it so fingers crossed.

Why not come around for a half?

This sobriety kick is lasting

And the best thing about it is, it's my choice. There's no push or shove in it, I made the decision so there's no problem that's going along with it.

It's good too. Waking up in the morning without anything like a hangover - that is something you never miss - and feeling fresh, ready to take on the world. Getting out off bed and finding that it's true, your hands dont shake anymore, I can cope with this.

I do have the odd tin of beer, the odd cider and that possibly makes them taste a bit better because it remains the odd one and not a dozen a day as it once was.

Keep it up man, keep it up.

Sunday's argument with alcohol

It's a Sunday, it's blowing a gale and pouring with rain out there and I could do with a drink. I wouldn't be fussy about what was available, you know, as long as it has some alcohol in it it'd be perfect, the larger and stronger the better.

But that really isn't very sensible at all, is it. I'm an alcoholic, I will be for the rest of my life and there's no changing that. I just have to accept it along with all the rest, shut up, stop moaning and drink tea or coffee, whatever I choose that is alcohol-free. Oh goodness, how interesting.

There are good times. There are periods of a few days here and there where there's no thought regarding drink and that's really good, really pleasant and as time goes on these periods will get longer and more often until the problem ceases to be.

Think that I'll have another.

You know, milk and two :)) 

I need a drink, because of love

My girlfriend just gave me the flick and it hurts, right in the heart. Makes the alcohol kind of necessary, if you know what I mean.

Haven't had anything to drink yet but things may well change. This is what love and emotions, thing like that do to you. The pain and the heartache come in and remind you of how you were yesterday.

Really shouldn't let the drink in because that does even more damage, causes more pain, more problems but what the heck - Cheers!!!

Intense interview with a man living on the streets of London, England

Little to say

I've got very little to say at the moment. There's not much to say when you haven't fallen off the horse for a wee while, is there now?

It's nothing to complain about though, and the funny thing is, I quite like being sober, remaining sober and getting out of bed in the morning, having been sober the night before.

I might be wrong but I don't think that I'll ever miss the hang-overs that I had the stupidity to invest so much in before I had the sense to see sense, if you know what I mean.

Perhaps not today

You know the story, once an alki, always an alki. It does get easier as time goes by but it's still there, in the back of your mind, waiting to get at you, to break you.

And it knows that it will succeed, perhaps not today, not tomorrow but it sits, and it waits and it's ready for the moment to come along. It doesn't matter how quick it comes along or how fast you are to deal with it, you're fucked. If you slip up then you lose. There are very few things in this life that are guaranteed. That's one of them, the other's divorce and either way you're fucked again.

It nearly got me this weekend. Don't know why I fancied a drink but I did. Not an unnatural thing, is it but the fancy was with me all the time, it's Monday and it's still there, hovering, trying to convince me that one or two won't hurt me.

Aye, my arse - I think that I've heard that a few times too often now to believe it. One or two wouldn't hurt me, that's true enough but when did I last have one or two, must have been a while ago now, how many decades?

I fell off the horse last month. The old "Just one or two" promise, you know, a tenner a pint, aye, that'll be right, shining bright. It's at me again today and I've not even had my lunch yet. A bit early to start, whatcha think?

Nah, I think that I'll carry on fighting.

After all, I have to, I can't let it win, can I???

I wish I'd been a bit more sensible

I wish that I'd been a bit more sensible as I grew through my mid-teens and on. It wouldn't have done any harm for me to have taken a little more care of myself, would it.

I doubt very much if I was the only one that misbehaved and acted the fool, pretended to be a big man who enjoyed a good drink every day, who could drink half a dozen more than you could before breakfast. Kind of silly, isn't it. If I hadn't behaved like that then I wouldn't be the alki that I am now.

The one thing that really gets to me though, is the amount of "Recovering" alcoholics that I meet. You know, the alcoholics that you bump into that believe they are going to get "better." I wish!!!

There are quite a good number of these people around who think that a fortnight off the booze and that's them ready to take on the world again. Then, a couple of months down the line and they have another couple of weeks off - to "cure" themselves again and they're off, no problem, cured again, no chance that they're an alcoholic. Just because they sweat a bit more than is comfortable or that they shake a little in the morning, a week or two and they'll be brand new.

I can't mock. I was one of these people. I would hate to think just how long it took me to find out that I had got it wrong - for thirty-odd years.

Ignorance is pretty stupendous, isn't it :(

The alcoholic Scotsman

I was just thinking about what life was like when I grew up in Scotland. My parents did a lot to ensure that I enjoyed my childhood and that I received a decent education but they couldn't keep me away from Scotlands attitude to alcohol.

Socially, it was quite acceptable to drink huge amounts when I was a young boy, unlike today where a couple of large drams is the most that is seen as alright for an evening.

So I wonder if todays slightly different views on alcohol, on the concept of "getting drunk" would have resulted in myself having a different attitude to alcohol and therefore stopped, or at least taken longer for me to become an alcoholic.

I think that there is a good chance that growing up today, with todays social attitude towards alcohol, I would have dealt with it differently when I started drinking beer, whisky and the like. I may well be wrong but as I see it, it's put over that it is not so sensible to get pissed every night, which is great.

Hopefully, the problems of alcoholism will have shrunk massively and won't come back.

I will still be an alki

Over the last wee while I've not done too badly. I've stuck to the tea and coffee, the juice and the tins of coke. When there is stuff like that in the house for me then there's less excuse for the demon drink to raise its ugly head.

It hurts though. The fact that this problem, that I control quite well, will last for ever, regardless of how well I do in staying away from alcohol, I will die an alcoholic. That is the painful bit.

The pain is not justifiable, well, not to me anyway. Why should I make so much effort and succeed in what I am  trying for and still it goes on.

When it comes to the last of my days, I will still be an alki, a bevvy artist - but that's life I guess.

But I will have a bit more cash in my pocket and perhaps less of a beer belly.

There is always hope :))

Alcohol in my blood

Yesterday, I had my last drink. No more alcohol in my blood  from now on because it does me no favours at all.

It dumbs me down, it makes me do stupid, dangerous things and then when I sober up I have no knowledge of the stupid things that I've done. Inherently insane.

No more, I'll stick to the tea and coffee et al ;))

Yesterday I was pissed (off)

Yesterday I went to the shop, supposedly to buy bits and bobs to eat but came home with cider and whisky. There is some of each left but not a lot. The greatest (or worst) thing left is the pile of disjointed thoughts that is carried by my excuse for a brain.

The thoughts revolve around stupidity, addiction, weakness and confusion. My so-called intelligence. It really is frustrating because I know that I am intelligent - but, with drink, I am stupid, thick and retarded.

So, I know that I can have one but not both. Inherently, that has been with me for decades but has been ignored from day one because I needed to be able to escape from all the pain and confusion that circled me, just waiting to attack, waiting for the opportunity to get into my mind and strike, wreak and damage. And then? Smile, perhaps a little laugh and skip away until the next time.

And me, left broken and gasping, trying to continue with life but unsure how much further I will fall down the hole of "Death by outright, thoughtless, crass, fucking stupidity." :(

So I drank the drink that I brought in yesterday, well, most of it anyway. I'll finish it today. It's not enough to either blank out or cure but there is always hope, isn't there.

Or is there, is there really always some hope.

Today, I want a drink

Today, I want a drink. To be honest, I don't just wan't a drink, I want the bottle, I want everything alcoholic that I can get my hands on and if I'm still concious after that then I've not had enough and I need more. I need my unconsciousness, I need to escape my concept of reality. I need my easy road out.

I've not had a drink for what, three and a half months. I drank on New Years Day and that , in itself, was pretty insane and it feels as if that time is on its way again.

There's a bit of a shake to the hands today so I keep them in my pockets, or I keep them busy doing something - usually something pretty useless but hey, if it means that they're busy then it's better than fuck all, isn't it and you or your partner or the person standing beside you won't notice, there will be nothing given away, no physical admission of alcoholism.

Those three and a half months that were free of alcohol went well. I'm pretty annoyed that I drank when I did but it's done now, I screwed up, fell by the wayside, whatever you want to call it. Whatever you say, I'm honest but coarse - I fucked it big-style.

I'm sitting here, looking out of the living-room window, watching a hungry robin helping itself from the feeder and loving it. I hope that I don't break down and head of to the shop and buy my my milk and bread - and something that you all can guess about.

But I could murder a fucking drink right now.

A splash of milk

It is such a beautiful, sunny, warm morning and so often before, in a situation like this I would get myself a can of beer, cider, whatever and go outside and top up my sunburn.

Not now thank you. I prefer coffee, two sugars and a splash of milk please.

My hands no longer shake.

A difficult bit that I'm going through

There is a difficult bit that I'm going through at the moment. Some years ago, I was told by my wife that I was an alcoholic and that I would have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with it. Now, at that stage I would do anything that she wanted me to do. She was my wife and I loved and trusted her so off to AA I went, only to find that they were all practising christians - practising right in front of me.

I stuck it out for six weeks until, hallelujah, I was converted and stopped going but now I wonder what that did to my drinking. Was I an alcoholic when I was sent to AA. I certainly wasn't a christian and it was not easy for me to put up with these freaky, raging, holier than though supposed believers, a good few that were born-again idiots.

I wonder what damage that has done, if any I must admit - but I certainly do not believe that it did any good.

When she left me I promptly went on the piss for a year but then stopped for just over a year, and when I say stopped I mean that I drank no alcohol at all for what, thirteen months and it was done with no problem.

The question at the bottom of my heart though, did this cause me to have a problem with alcohol, or to take on or gain a problem with alcohol.

I do wish that I had never gone anywhere near AA.

I also know that prior to that, there was no problem.

Good one, Ozzy

George Osbourne stated that, "We are also introducing new allowances including a £3bn new field allowance for large and deep fields to open up west of Shetland, the last area of the basin left to be developed. A huge boost for investment in the North Sea."

If you check you will see that the Atlantic Ocean is on the west of Shetland.

Good one, Ozzy ;)

Minimum pricing bill for alcohol

Spotted a very interesting point agreed by the Scottish government just now. The minimum pricing bill for alcohol will pass its first major parliamentary hurdle without opposition.


Personally, I think that is great. The sooner that alcohol stops being sold at  ridiculously cheap prices to lure in both ordinary customers and alcoholics like me, therefore making the problem some have even worse. 


These cheap prices, designed to encourage customers to buy there, are probably very effective but the damage that they cause is massive.


This will help to diminish the problem. It won't end it but it will help. 

I'll skip it, this time around

The last wee while has been alright regarding alcohol. There are always problems, of course. Either you don't want to or can't afford to pay a bill, or the cat, dog or the pet orangutan won't stop pissing on the carpet, regardless, there are always things to bother you but at the moment I'm doing pretty well. I haven't got an orangutan!!!

And the biggest thing that is going the right way? I don't want any alcohol. I could swing for a cup of tea but booze? Nah, I'll skip it, this time around.

If things change then hey, I'll let you know, but at the mo' it's good so, fingers crossed, I'll beat the thirteen months that I did before.

If I die before I drink again then pass the word around, will you?

It's fucked me up before

It's a beautiful spring day, the sun is out and the daffodils are flowering. I walked down to the cliffs and sat up top and looked out across the Atlantic ocean for a good long while. It does me a lot of good but I don't understand it. My doctor doesn't understand it either but so what, it does what I need it to do, when I need it done.

If the demand for drink gets to me then a walk up to the top of the cliffs is great, day or night, wet or dry, cold or warm. Who cares, if the weather is that bad then I'll make up a flask of boiling hot coffee and take it with me because I'm sure that you know the score - if the drink gets at you then you have a problem and it has to be dealt with and you have to be the winner.

So, I head up to the top of the cliffs and when I get there I sit down and have a coffee. It's often wet so my arse quickly joins in and in no time it's soaking too. Who cares, what are they going to do, laugh and point? They can kiss it and I'll be the one with a smile on my face.

Regardless, it's a great place to sit and think, to question why you have such a problem with drink, why you're willing to spend so much on it, why you're willing to make such a fucking mess of yourself - and all for nothing.

Sometimes I can see the answer and sometimes I can't but I always know that drink is my worst enemy and I need to stay away from it.

I need to stay away from it because it's fucked me up before.

If it gets half a chance, it'll fuck me up again.

Definite bad hair day

It's definitely a bad hair day today. I could swing for a large one to smooth it over a bit but we all know the truth. If I had one drink then there would be just time for a quick one before I started dinner. I'd have the quick one and check my wallet and if I could I would buy another and if I couldn't I would go to the machine and hey, it's party time again.

Alcohol does only one thing effectively.

It fucks you up all the way, rides you until you pass out and never even says cheerio.

Marianne Faithfull - Mack the Knife

A good Tuesday in the town

It was getting to the stage where food supplies were getting short in the house so I decided to go into town and go to the supermarket and buy in all the necessary's.

As usual, all the food required was purchased by about lunchtime and that was when the difficult bit became obvious - again. It can be very hard for an alcoholic to get through two hours painlessly in town when he has nothing to do but wait, it's awfully easy to go to the pub, striding in and come out again crawling.

I went into the pub, chatting to the rest of them, socially and having a very nice time, keeping my eye on the clock though as I didn't want to miss the bus.

When I was there I drank two tins of coke, that was it, no more and it was sufficient for me. My thirst was gone and I was comfortable.

I left the pub on time, smiling and caught my bus ;)

Saturday and society

It's a Saturday and I've just had my lunch (two sandwiches and a cuppa, I'm on a diet). Not so very long ago I would have been out of the door sharpish and off to either the shop for a carry-out, or if I was feeling particularly sociable, straight into the local bar for a large number of half 'n' halfs, one of the halfs regularly poured down my throat in a oner and an eye kept on the other to make sure that it hadn't evaporated.

But this Saturday won't happen like that. They don't because that isn't my life now. Tea, coffee and lots and lots of biscuits, enough to bring me out in spots and I'll be happy enough.

No hangover tomorrow either.

And you know what - I feel good about it too, it's the lack of alcohol that causes it ;)

They inflicted christianity upon me

Some years ago I went to Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't last very long there, because they inflicted christianity upon me. Here is the story of an atheist at Alcoholics Anonymous  

It's quite a powerful story about this mans problems with alcohol and how he deals with it, and deals with it successfully too. It might take you five, ten minutes at the most to read but there is a lot in there to think about and it will do you no harm.

Give it a go and see what you think.

I'll maybe see you next time

If you look at the top left you'll see how long it is since the last drink that I had and it's the third month that I'm into now, about three weeks until it's done and while there will those difficult days, there always are, they are getting easier and they will continue to get easier and easier as time goes by. Sometimes I walk past a pub, or I pass one on the bus and the heart thumps but I can't ignore these places, they won't disappear and I cannot avoid them. I often go into Da Wheel Bar when I have an hour or so to wait for a bus home, I think of it as a good way to become used to being around drink, after all, my friends often have a couple of pints and there's nothing wrong with that. What am I going to do, apart from waiting outside. No, I have to be able to sit in the pub, or stand at the bar and drink coffee or coke, whatever, but I have to be comfortable doing it.

I am getting there, sometimes it is difficult but it is going in the right direction.

I'll maybe see you next time. I'll have a soft drink, you can drink what you like, ok.

Time flies

I've reached the two months now

I've done it, I've reached the two month stretch and I'll be honest - I'm really bloody pleased this time around.

When I first gave up I did thirteen months and I did it easily - and then I fell off the horse. To do a year and a bit without any alcohol I felt was good but then for a good while I was having a drink here, a drink there, sometimes not just "a drink" either.

Then I was six months free and feeling good about that, I was back on the horse and comfortable with it, no problem - until it was New Years Day and I spent eleven hours pouring liquid disaster down my throat. I got out of bed the next day with what I believe is called "A fucking hangover" but I might be wrong there, it might be called worse, probably is when I think about it.

No drink has passed my lips since then though, apart from the usual three gallons a day of tea, coffee, coke and orange juice but that won't hurt me any. That sort of thing doesn't generate a day of hell for the next day, in fact it causes the next day to feel pretty good, regardless of what the weather is like.

I have every intention of sticking it out this time around, to stick it out longer than the last time, in fact longer than the first time. In fact, if I never drink alcohol, booze, bevy, call it what you may again, it will be too soon.

A lifetime too soon.

By the end of today it will be two months sober!!!

By the end of today, if I have behaved myself and the depression has not hit, if I haven't slipped into the hotel while passing or bought whisky from the shop, then it will be two months since the last little slip-up. I'm like you  in many ways, I'm like the rest of Scotland, I can't afford to drink because it's so bloody expensive, whatever it is.

And I am like the other how many people that we all know, the "heavy drinkers", I wonder what sort of percentage of them are just heavy drinkers, as they claim to be and what percentage are actually alcoholics but won't admit it, perhaps don't realise it yet because there is still enough money in their pocket, they've still got a job and they've held onto their driving license.

You would be surprised if you found out the truth there - you might get worried and think about changing your habits.

Go on, do yourself a favour, before it all turns to shit.

I think that I do myself a favour every day that I stay sober, that I stay away from alcohol, from beer or whisky, from the drink that I used to enjoy, before it did turn to shit.

Can't go down that road again.

Please, don't even go to take a look, it's shit getting out of the hole again.

Back to the weekend

It's Saturday lunchtime and there is no booze in the house. I have no intention of going out to buy any either. I have even less intention of going to the bar at the hotel, just down the road.

Would you like to know why?

It's pissing down with snow - just not wandering weather today.

But it is coffee weather, it'll do me no harm at all!!!

The Kinks - Alcohol

Middle of the week

It's the middle of the week now and there has been no problem over the last few day. No drink-related ones anyway. I do occasionally have pretty stupid thought like "I could do with a half and a half at the hotel!" but they don't last long. I don't get upset or worked up by thoughts like that either. They will not go away but they will become less regular, further apart - if I stay on track. Otherwise, well you can probably guess, you can see in your mind, pictures of me spinning downhill towards the cheap booze that I don't like but will possibly drink in desperation anyway.

I don't want to do that. I can't afford to do that, either financially, physically or mentally. I've managed to get through it all so far. I know that I cannot take these risks anymore.

If you have similar problems, have a look at Bright Eye, I hang around there a lot and it does me a lot of good.

Go on, give it a try!!!

Saturday's a bastard

It is a bastard if you want to stay off the bevvie anyway. If I wasn't staying off then tomorrow would be Sunday, all the time in the world to dry out (or so I would think), tons of coffee and maybe a bite to eat.

But today, Saturday, bastard or not is as good as any other day to stay sober. If I don't then it just screws up the other guff in my life, like epilepsy and depression and all the rest.

I paid all that money for the booze and look what it gave me, all those years ago. Funny, eh :))

Anti Nowhere League - So What

Survived last night

Survived last night but it was a bit of a bugger. I made sure and went to bed early so that I wouldn't - couldn't -  fall astray. If I had stayed up then I could have gone to the St Magnus Bay Hotel which is only a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. And the result of that? Poverty. Poverty and pissed, pissed as a newt but I held out on it.

I'll hold out tonight too. I might feel pretty desperate for a wee dramn tonight but it's not worth giving in. It may well be desperate but staying sober causes fewer problems than getting pissed so, although it might hurt a bit, I do know what's good for me.

I've got eight tins of coke in. I'll drink them instead.

And taking the Campral should stop me moaning too.

Not too good

No drink today but the need is there. It's a bitch, it really is. I'll try and have a good dinner, for a start, it won't do me any harm and it'll also give my mind something to work on. That does me a lot of good. Stops me moaning too.

Haven't had a drink for over a month and it's shit, I need one - or ten!!!

Wonder if some coffee will help???

Early night tonight

Think that I'll have an early night tonight. The latest copy of Web Designer has just come in so I'm going to make a pint or so of tea and take it off to bed with me (I've already had an early dinner) and the magazine will be under my arm as I climb into bed.

That'll keep me out of trouble, and booze, this evening.

No complaints about going to sleep sober!!!

I'll die sober and smiling

That's what - a month and three days with no alcohol and I feel pretty good. No desperation, none of the old shakes or sweats but I suppose that they might pop up, now and again.

One thing that does annoy me. When I first gave up, 14th September, 2009, I was off the drink for thirteen months and there was no problem at all, until........... Well, you've all heard the story before. If that story hadn't been there to be written, I would have been sober for about two and a half years. Just now though, a month.

I will get there though. I'll get past the two and a half years and I'll be smiling. I intend to get past ten years while sober and smiling.

I'll die sober and smiling.

Then I'll have fun :))

On the way home from the hospital

I had an appointment at the hospital yesterday and it all went as expected - 10.45 appointment, seen at 11.40. It's amazing just how many Mars Bars you can eat while seated. Anyway, I came out at twelve, got some lunch and did the shopping then looked at the time, 13.40. Time for the bus, 15.40. That meant that there were two hours to get rid of.

It was not the weather for staying outside so I went to the - pub.

Yes, that's right, I went to the pub and I got it right again. I had three tins of coke and was comfortable with that too.

Don't really want to have to tell you that I was boozing again, do I???

Nearly a month

That is very nearly a full month off the demon drink. A month off and no problems either. No shaking, no sweating and no desperation in my heart for a damn drink.

When I drank at the New Year I really fell off the horse and it was a bloody sore landing too. I suffered both mentally and physically but I've shaken the dust off now and plan to last a good long time sober, with my life in the control that I need for it. I need to stay sober because I can't stay drunk.

Possibly until after I pass away :))

I was in Lerwick, sober

I had to go into town today to bank a cheque. Here in Shetland I caught the 10.00 bus in, which dropped me off at about 11.00 in Lerwick. I banked the cheque and then went for a great big fried breakfast at the Harbour Café, oh, it was magic.

The bus home again was at 15.40 so to waste some time I first went to the library and then to the Co-op. I took the bag of food that I had bought down to the bus station and then - and then I went to the pub where I poured a tin of coke down my throat and finished off with a cup of coffee.

I'm pleased with myself today.

I came home both sober and happy.

New Scientist

Found quite an interesting article in New Scientist, which talks about a substance, dihydromyricetin (DHM), that potentially stops the effects of alcohol on a persons brain, therefore stopping a person getting drunk.


This has great potential. If you have had your DHM and go down to the pub, drink a lot of alcoholic drink and don't get drunk, it is seen as possible for you then to drift away from alcohol as it will have lost its attraction.


There is a possibility there!!!

A cup of tea

Might have alcoholism inflicted on me for the rest of my life but I could swing for a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit.

The fourth week!!!

I haven't touched alcohol for three weeks now and I've started my fourth week. I'm feeling good too but I have to admit that I would be feeling a lot better if I hadn't got pissed on New Years Day.

It was my fault, there's no-one else to blame and I have to accept that. Don't worry, I won't do time for it but I have put myself on the 2012 Challenge. I did thirteen months when I first gave up but I did fall off the horse, then it was six months but I intend to do a lot longer this time and I'll do it smiling too.

Drinking coffee and coke has never done me any harm and whisky has never done me any good so that indicates where I should be.

No excuses - no forgetting - and no falling of the horse either ;)

Saturday night

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting, playing with the computer and happy about it too. The strongest thing that I've had to drink is a can of coke - and I've enjoyed it too.

No boozing this weekend!!!

Hopefully, none this life!!!

The alcohol unit

Was at the alcohol unit in Lerwick, here in Shetland today. It was a good day, I always find it rewarding and helpful to go there because they understand what you're talking about, where you come from and all the rest. They don't pick on you either, they don't blame you because they understand the problem that you've got, therefore the fight that you're in. If you are ever offered help along these lines for anything similar then snap their hands off, jump at it because to be able to talk honestly about a problem like alcoholism is beneficial for you. It is also so rare to sit with someone who will have an intelligent conversation with you on a subject like this.

If you get the chance then take it - you will benefit from it!!!

Haven't fallen off the horse

The thoughts have been in my head but as yet I haven't fallen off the horse. I'll always have these thoughts I think but as time goes by they'll get lighter and lighter, further apart.

When I run out of things to talk about then I'll let you know :))

Back in the flow!!!

At the moment it's seven and a half days since the last drink and I'm feeling pretty good about it too. I regret my fall by the wayside but I have to look at it as a lesson learnt. Next time around I should be one step forward in comparison to the last drunken episode.

As time goes by, it does get easier and as it gets easier the periods of sobriety get longer and longer.

I will die a sober alcoholic but I'll be smiling too!!!

What happened on New Year's Day

Ah, yes, just what happened on the first day of the year?

The night of New Year's Eve I was in bed at a reasonable time, with a nice cup of tea and woke up on the first of January feeling good. I posted here and then...... and then a friend from a few doors down the road popped in to wish me a Happy New Year about 2.00pm and we had a dramn and eleven hours later I staggered off to bed - pissed as a newt.

So, I've dried out but am still a bit hung-over. Not surprising, considering what I drank my way through. Certainly nothing to be proud of though. Six months of sobriety down the pan.

Today is, in effect, day one - again.

Shit :(

A Happy New Year to All

Firstly, I would like to wish everyone a good, sober New Year. I had a lovely, quiet New Year's Eve this time around, possibly because I chose to play with my computer while drinking Earl Grey tea throughout the evening and going to bed at about nine-thirty. What a boring old fart, eh. It worked for me though, as I live on my own and can therefore do what suits me.

It looks like Lerwick, here in Shetland, had a good New Year too, the Up Helly Aa squad keeping the fires going, good on them!!!

I hope that the year ahead, for me can remain sober as the drink and I just do not get on. I will be an alcoholic until the day that I die and there is only one way for me to deal with that - drink tea, good and strong and sweet, perfect. And remember, you're always welcome for a cuppa!!!