By the end of today it will be two months sober!!!

By the end of today, if I have behaved myself and the depression has not hit, if I haven't slipped into the hotel while passing or bought whisky from the shop, then it will be two months since the last little slip-up. I'm like you  in many ways, I'm like the rest of Scotland, I can't afford to drink because it's so bloody expensive, whatever it is.

And I am like the other how many people that we all know, the "heavy drinkers", I wonder what sort of percentage of them are just heavy drinkers, as they claim to be and what percentage are actually alcoholics but won't admit it, perhaps don't realise it yet because there is still enough money in their pocket, they've still got a job and they've held onto their driving license.

You would be surprised if you found out the truth there - you might get worried and think about changing your habits.

Go on, do yourself a favour, before it all turns to shit.

I think that I do myself a favour every day that I stay sober, that I stay away from alcohol, from beer or whisky, from the drink that I used to enjoy, before it did turn to shit.

Can't go down that road again.

Please, don't even go to take a look, it's shit getting out of the hole again.

Middle of the week

It's the middle of the week now and there has been no problem over the last few day. No drink-related ones anyway. I do occasionally have pretty stupid thought like "I could do with a half and a half at the hotel!" but they don't last long. I don't get upset or worked up by thoughts like that either. They will not go away but they will become less regular, further apart - if I stay on track. Otherwise, well you can probably guess, you can see in your mind, pictures of me spinning downhill towards the cheap booze that I don't like but will possibly drink in desperation anyway.

I don't want to do that. I can't afford to do that, either financially, physically or mentally. I've managed to get through it all so far. I know that I cannot take these risks anymore.

If you have similar problems, have a look at Bright Eye, I hang around there a lot and it does me a lot of good.

Go on, give it a try!!!

Survived last night

Survived last night but it was a bit of a bugger. I made sure and went to bed early so that I wouldn't - couldn't -  fall astray. If I had stayed up then I could have gone to the St Magnus Bay Hotel which is only a couple of hundred yards down the road from me. And the result of that? Poverty. Poverty and pissed, pissed as a newt but I held out on it.

I'll hold out tonight too. I might feel pretty desperate for a wee dramn tonight but it's not worth giving in. It may well be desperate but staying sober causes fewer problems than getting pissed so, although it might hurt a bit, I do know what's good for me.

I've got eight tins of coke in. I'll drink them instead.

And taking the Campral should stop me moaning too.