A difficult bit that I'm going through

There is a difficult bit that I'm going through at the moment. Some years ago, I was told by my wife that I was an alcoholic and that I would have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with it. Now, at that stage I would do anything that she wanted me to do. She was my wife and I loved and trusted her so off to AA I went, only to find that they were all practising christians - practising right in front of me.

I stuck it out for six weeks until, hallelujah, I was converted and stopped going but now I wonder what that did to my drinking. Was I an alcoholic when I was sent to AA. I certainly wasn't a christian and it was not easy for me to put up with these freaky, raging, holier than though supposed believers, a good few that were born-again idiots.

I wonder what damage that has done, if any I must admit - but I certainly do not believe that it did any good.

When she left me I promptly went on the piss for a year but then stopped for just over a year, and when I say stopped I mean that I drank no alcohol at all for what, thirteen months and it was done with no problem.

The question at the bottom of my heart though, did this cause me to have a problem with alcohol, or to take on or gain a problem with alcohol.

I do wish that I had never gone anywhere near AA.

I also know that prior to that, there was no problem.

Good one, Ozzy

George Osbourne stated that, "We are also introducing new allowances including a £3bn new field allowance for large and deep fields to open up west of Shetland, the last area of the basin left to be developed. A huge boost for investment in the North Sea."

If you check you will see that the Atlantic Ocean is on the west of Shetland.

Good one, Ozzy ;)

Minimum pricing bill for alcohol

Spotted a very interesting point agreed by the Scottish government just now. The minimum pricing bill for alcohol will pass its first major parliamentary hurdle without opposition.


Personally, I think that is great. The sooner that alcohol stops being sold at  ridiculously cheap prices to lure in both ordinary customers and alcoholics like me, therefore making the problem some have even worse. 


These cheap prices, designed to encourage customers to buy there, are probably very effective but the damage that they cause is massive.


This will help to diminish the problem. It won't end it but it will help. 

I'll skip it, this time around

The last wee while has been alright regarding alcohol. There are always problems, of course. Either you don't want to or can't afford to pay a bill, or the cat, dog or the pet orangutan won't stop pissing on the carpet, regardless, there are always things to bother you but at the moment I'm doing pretty well. I haven't got an orangutan!!!

And the biggest thing that is going the right way? I don't want any alcohol. I could swing for a cup of tea but booze? Nah, I'll skip it, this time around.

If things change then hey, I'll let you know, but at the mo' it's good so, fingers crossed, I'll beat the thirteen months that I did before.

If I die before I drink again then pass the word around, will you?

It's fucked me up before

It's a beautiful spring day, the sun is out and the daffodils are flowering. I walked down to the cliffs and sat up top and looked out across the Atlantic ocean for a good long while. It does me a lot of good but I don't understand it. My doctor doesn't understand it either but so what, it does what I need it to do, when I need it done.

If the demand for drink gets to me then a walk up to the top of the cliffs is great, day or night, wet or dry, cold or warm. Who cares, if the weather is that bad then I'll make up a flask of boiling hot coffee and take it with me because I'm sure that you know the score - if the drink gets at you then you have a problem and it has to be dealt with and you have to be the winner.

So, I head up to the top of the cliffs and when I get there I sit down and have a coffee. It's often wet so my arse quickly joins in and in no time it's soaking too. Who cares, what are they going to do, laugh and point? They can kiss it and I'll be the one with a smile on my face.

Regardless, it's a great place to sit and think, to question why you have such a problem with drink, why you're willing to spend so much on it, why you're willing to make such a fucking mess of yourself - and all for nothing.

Sometimes I can see the answer and sometimes I can't but I always know that drink is my worst enemy and I need to stay away from it.

I need to stay away from it because it's fucked me up before.

If it gets half a chance, it'll fuck me up again.

Definite bad hair day

It's definitely a bad hair day today. I could swing for a large one to smooth it over a bit but we all know the truth. If I had one drink then there would be just time for a quick one before I started dinner. I'd have the quick one and check my wallet and if I could I would buy another and if I couldn't I would go to the machine and hey, it's party time again.

Alcohol does only one thing effectively.

It fucks you up all the way, rides you until you pass out and never even says cheerio.

Marianne Faithfull - Mack the Knife

A good Tuesday in the town

It was getting to the stage where food supplies were getting short in the house so I decided to go into town and go to the supermarket and buy in all the necessary's.

As usual, all the food required was purchased by about lunchtime and that was when the difficult bit became obvious - again. It can be very hard for an alcoholic to get through two hours painlessly in town when he has nothing to do but wait, it's awfully easy to go to the pub, striding in and come out again crawling.

I went into the pub, chatting to the rest of them, socially and having a very nice time, keeping my eye on the clock though as I didn't want to miss the bus.

When I was there I drank two tins of coke, that was it, no more and it was sufficient for me. My thirst was gone and I was comfortable.

I left the pub on time, smiling and caught my bus ;)

Saturday and society

It's a Saturday and I've just had my lunch (two sandwiches and a cuppa, I'm on a diet). Not so very long ago I would have been out of the door sharpish and off to either the shop for a carry-out, or if I was feeling particularly sociable, straight into the local bar for a large number of half 'n' halfs, one of the halfs regularly poured down my throat in a oner and an eye kept on the other to make sure that it hadn't evaporated.

But this Saturday won't happen like that. They don't because that isn't my life now. Tea, coffee and lots and lots of biscuits, enough to bring me out in spots and I'll be happy enough.

No hangover tomorrow either.

And you know what - I feel good about it too, it's the lack of alcohol that causes it ;)

They inflicted christianity upon me

Some years ago I went to Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't last very long there, because they inflicted christianity upon me. Here is the story of an atheist at Alcoholics Anonymous  

It's quite a powerful story about this mans problems with alcohol and how he deals with it, and deals with it successfully too. It might take you five, ten minutes at the most to read but there is a lot in there to think about and it will do you no harm.

Give it a go and see what you think.

I'll maybe see you next time

If you look at the top left you'll see how long it is since the last drink that I had and it's the third month that I'm into now, about three weeks until it's done and while there will those difficult days, there always are, they are getting easier and they will continue to get easier and easier as time goes by. Sometimes I walk past a pub, or I pass one on the bus and the heart thumps but I can't ignore these places, they won't disappear and I cannot avoid them. I often go into Da Wheel Bar when I have an hour or so to wait for a bus home, I think of it as a good way to become used to being around drink, after all, my friends often have a couple of pints and there's nothing wrong with that. What am I going to do, apart from waiting outside. No, I have to be able to sit in the pub, or stand at the bar and drink coffee or coke, whatever, but I have to be comfortable doing it.

I am getting there, sometimes it is difficult but it is going in the right direction.

I'll maybe see you next time. I'll have a soft drink, you can drink what you like, ok.

Time flies

I've reached the two months now

I've done it, I've reached the two month stretch and I'll be honest - I'm really bloody pleased this time around.

When I first gave up I did thirteen months and I did it easily - and then I fell off the horse. To do a year and a bit without any alcohol I felt was good but then for a good while I was having a drink here, a drink there, sometimes not just "a drink" either.

Then I was six months free and feeling good about that, I was back on the horse and comfortable with it, no problem - until it was New Years Day and I spent eleven hours pouring liquid disaster down my throat. I got out of bed the next day with what I believe is called "A fucking hangover" but I might be wrong there, it might be called worse, probably is when I think about it.

No drink has passed my lips since then though, apart from the usual three gallons a day of tea, coffee, coke and orange juice but that won't hurt me any. That sort of thing doesn't generate a day of hell for the next day, in fact it causes the next day to feel pretty good, regardless of what the weather is like.

I have every intention of sticking it out this time around, to stick it out longer than the last time, in fact longer than the first time. In fact, if I never drink alcohol, booze, bevy, call it what you may again, it will be too soon.

A lifetime too soon.

By the end of today it will be two months sober!!!

By the end of today, if I have behaved myself and the depression has not hit, if I haven't slipped into the hotel while passing or bought whisky from the shop, then it will be two months since the last little slip-up. I'm like you  in many ways, I'm like the rest of Scotland, I can't afford to drink because it's so bloody expensive, whatever it is.

And I am like the other how many people that we all know, the "heavy drinkers", I wonder what sort of percentage of them are just heavy drinkers, as they claim to be and what percentage are actually alcoholics but won't admit it, perhaps don't realise it yet because there is still enough money in their pocket, they've still got a job and they've held onto their driving license.

You would be surprised if you found out the truth there - you might get worried and think about changing your habits.

Go on, do yourself a favour, before it all turns to shit.

I think that I do myself a favour every day that I stay sober, that I stay away from alcohol, from beer or whisky, from the drink that I used to enjoy, before it did turn to shit.

Can't go down that road again.

Please, don't even go to take a look, it's shit getting out of the hole again.