No booze for me......

I drank on christmas eve and on the day itself but have remained dry since then. I will do my very best to stay off the demon too. Considering that I was off the drink for thirteen months when I first gave it up, I reckon that I can do it and more, again. This time around I have every intention to stay off it for life because it does you no favours at all. Lets face it, you get nothing other than an empty wallet and a hangover.

So, I'm in my second week of no alcohol, all the way through the New Year and it's working out quite well. No great difficulty, no sweats or shakes and the best one - no hangovers either, so it's hopefully going to be continued for a long, long time. I haven't been to the pub and let's face it, tea and coffee work out cheaper, both physically and mentally, not to mention financially.

I do intend to stay away from the demon drink for a long time. I do not see any point in going back to it, the main reason being that I'm an alcoholic. I can never get away from that, I always will be an alki but I can die a sober one and I can spend more money on food in the run up to that, if I stay off the demon.

So it's cheers to no alcoholic drink and cheers to as much tea and coffee, orange juice and lemonade that I can pour down my throat.

Sobriety rules for me now :))

I hope that you all enjoy yourselves

It's only a few days until Christmas now and I hope that you all enjoy yourselves, Santa is very generous to you and you can remain at least relatively sober throughout.

Personally, I don't like Christmas. It revolves around two things. Christmas is firstly an excuse to spend vast amounts of money in the so-called sales and secondly, a very large festival in a dying religion. Firstly, I no longer have any interest in the sales and secondly, I'm a practicing atheist so sod religion.

This makes it a pretty boring period for me and that tends to encourage drinking alcohol, which I do not want to do. When I do drink it, I drink far too much and considering that I am coming to the end of my third week totally sober, no alcoholic drink has passed my lips in this time and it would be good to keep this up for a year or two - or perhaps a lifetime - and this period that was, a long time ago, primarily a religious celebration means nothing but boredom to me. Therefore, it's a difficult time for me to stay sober.

I will certainly keep my computer on, allowing me to stay in touch with humanity. I will ensure that I am well fed throughout the period as that does help to keep me away from drink and I hope that it snows all the way through as I love snow.

And finally, if we all stay sober over the Christmas period then we will realise what a gross waste of money it really is.

Merry Christmas :))

Another day without drink or violence

It’s yet another day after the disaster that I mentioned yesterday, last Friday morning when she assaulted me. She was drunk at the time, very drunk and had been since the previous evening. I don’t know if the drink made her do it or if it just allowed her to do it as there is a difference but I don’t care because she just did it with hate in her eyes. That’s enough for me.

I’m an alcoholic, as I have said many times before but I do not lose control when I’m drunk. I’m not perfect but I have the sense to retain control but she apparently doesn’t. Was that the true self for me to see at last. If so, it could have come out sooner and a little less painfully. I don’t mean physically, I mean painfully emotionally, right in the heart.

I have a different view of alcohol now. I see what it can release in us, what it can allow to happen, for whatever reason and the damage that it can create, that it can cause to take place.

I still hope that she can remember what she did and why she did it. I hope that she can deal with the problems that the drink either allowed or caused to happen.

I continue to do my best to stay off the drink. Now I have another good reason to stay sober.

I can only hope for her!!!

Taken away

She got drunk, she struck me, she got taken away by the police. That happened a few days ago and is as good a reason that I can think of to stay off the drink.

Drink does that to some people. Not all, admittedly but too many to make it worthwhile. It gets people into trouble for no reason other than their loss of sense and that is because they have consumed too much alcohol for them to cope with. Why have they drunk so much? Because they are, like me, what is known as an alcoholic.

When I think about it, when I look back and consider what has happened due to alcohol in my life, I wonder why people drink it, why it is seen as a social drink and why it remains legal. Possibly because there are that many alcoholics that remain in denial just like she does.

I do not remain in denial. I fight it. I still cannot cope with drink but I fight it. Not all of us do that, do we?

Off the drink

It's twenty days now since the last alcoholic drink was swallowed by me. No problem, no sweats or shakes and no big deal so no fuss.

Do I still have the problem, both social and medical, that I had before? I don't think that I do but I know that I have to consider myself as an alcoholic until my dying day. If I don't then I will insist on behaving like one whether I choose to or not and I would rather stay away from that sort of caper from now on :))

Five days alcohol-free

I've been at the drink again since I wrote last time. Incredible just how stupid I can be at times, isn't it. Having said that, I'm on drink-free day five at the moment, with no intention of falling by the wayside again. I know that I've said things like this before but I like to think that this time around there is a lot of determination to win at it.

There are annoying bits in my drink-free history though. I did thirteen months without alcohol between 2009 and 2010, six months in 2011 and a month here and three months there this year. The bit that gets to me is the fact that I managed thirteen painless months and then fell off the horse. Since then I've not even managed half as much but that's so far. This time I like to think that I'm on a winner (fingers crossed) for good. If it doesn't last then it's just an everlasting problem and there are enough of them already.

The longer that I'm off the demon the easier it gets and when you think of the number of people that you know who don't drink alcohol and never have, it makes you realise that it shouldn't be that difficult.

It isn't for them, they're not addicted, now are they?

Who thought that they'd conquered the drink?

I had been doing so well in staying away from the drink, in not wanting any, not having any problem with it. Yesterday I got out of the hospital after landing there on Tuesday evening because I was pissed, yet again.

All these hopes, all these beliefs and then the truth comes out. I got well and truly pissed as a fart again. Not too good, eh. Perhaps I do have a problem here after all, perhaps I am a raging alcoholic after all.

Now it’s time to really do something about it. I’m not sure exactly what yet but I’ll find out and take action. Can’t let this continue because if I do it will just get worse and worse.

That would be no good, now would it. Dr Unsworth would give up on me!!!

Home brew and swallowing the pressure-fed lies

Some time ago I fancied making some cider and perhaps some beer but was concerned what the outcome of  around eighty pints of home brew would be. It was rather surprising, to say the least.

I was worried that having so much drink in the house would be almost fatal as I believed that I am an alcoholic and would get stuck right into it all immediately it was ready. Luckily, it didn't go this way though. I actually behaved sensibly, having a pint here and there but nothing excessive. This made me question my roots as an alcoholic.

Some years ago, the woman that I am separated from convinced me that I was suffering from alcoholism. It was easier for me to accept this and join Alcoholics Anonymous as instructed by her than to dispute it, so off to A.A. I went and gave up for a while. I must admit that it bored me so I only went for a short while then gave up the A.A, going back to the odd drink.

After we split up I stopped drinking for over a year without any problem but then slipped back to the whisky and the cider. Since then I have been off and on the drink without any problem, without drinking too much at any time, only taking a drink when I fancied one, generally being pretty well behaved, without any effort at all.

A bit of thought on my part showed me where the alcoholism came from. It was fed to me by the wife, for what reason I don't know but it was fed to me and to keep the peace I accepted it, even carrying it on beyond my marriage. What a lot of crap. I should have behaved sensibly and stood up for myself instead of swallowing the pressure-fed lies that were inflicted upon me.

I enjoy the ginger beer that I brew up and my girlfriend likes it too. We also like the other things that I brew so it's time to get some more on the go.

Cheers :))

Is it a big question?

No drink now for about three or four weeks, perhaps longer because I don't have a date on the last one. I'm down south with my girlfriend just now and life is good so why should I destroy it all with alcohol?

Is it a big question or is it as obvious to you as it is to me, duh?

The "Cutting down" trick

I have to admit that like so many other folk, the drink was troubling me so much. Not having a beer or a cider in the back garden when it was a nice sunny day and everyone else had what I had so I'm trying the "Cutting down" trick at the moment.

I'm having a beer or whatever and enjoying it. I'm behaving myself and having the odd half pint, nothing silly and if that carries on then great but if it gets out of hand then it's back off the booze again, sobriety strikes again.

I'm also brewing my own beer at the moment. Saves a fortune and you can make it taste as you like it. I'm behaving myself at the moment with all this beer in the house and I'm pleased with myself. There's gallons of the stuff on the shelf and only good behaviour.

When this keg is finished I'll do some cider. Never done cider before and I like it so fingers crossed.

Why not come around for a half?

This sobriety kick is lasting

And the best thing about it is, it's my choice. There's no push or shove in it, I made the decision so there's no problem that's going along with it.

It's good too. Waking up in the morning without anything like a hangover - that is something you never miss - and feeling fresh, ready to take on the world. Getting out off bed and finding that it's true, your hands dont shake anymore, I can cope with this.

I do have the odd tin of beer, the odd cider and that possibly makes them taste a bit better because it remains the odd one and not a dozen a day as it once was.

Keep it up man, keep it up.

Sunday's argument with alcohol

It's a Sunday, it's blowing a gale and pouring with rain out there and I could do with a drink. I wouldn't be fussy about what was available, you know, as long as it has some alcohol in it it'd be perfect, the larger and stronger the better.

But that really isn't very sensible at all, is it. I'm an alcoholic, I will be for the rest of my life and there's no changing that. I just have to accept it along with all the rest, shut up, stop moaning and drink tea or coffee, whatever I choose that is alcohol-free. Oh goodness, how interesting.

There are good times. There are periods of a few days here and there where there's no thought regarding drink and that's really good, really pleasant and as time goes on these periods will get longer and more often until the problem ceases to be.

Think that I'll have another.

You know, milk and two :)) 

I need a drink, because of love

My girlfriend just gave me the flick and it hurts, right in the heart. Makes the alcohol kind of necessary, if you know what I mean.

Haven't had anything to drink yet but things may well change. This is what love and emotions, thing like that do to you. The pain and the heartache come in and remind you of how you were yesterday.

Really shouldn't let the drink in because that does even more damage, causes more pain, more problems but what the heck - Cheers!!!

Intense interview with a man living on the streets of London, England

Little to say

I've got very little to say at the moment. There's not much to say when you haven't fallen off the horse for a wee while, is there now?

It's nothing to complain about though, and the funny thing is, I quite like being sober, remaining sober and getting out of bed in the morning, having been sober the night before.

I might be wrong but I don't think that I'll ever miss the hang-overs that I had the stupidity to invest so much in before I had the sense to see sense, if you know what I mean.