Monday 27 June 2011

Accepting that I'm an alcoholic


Sometimes it can be difficult to continue to accept that you are an alcoholic. I find it particularly hard to maintain the acceptance if I'm not drinking, if I'm off the booze, if I've dried out.

If I'm off the booze then I wake up in the morning feeling good and can bounce out of bed, enjoy some breakfast and take the world by storm.

Then the problem arises - I forget that I'm an alcoholic. It doesn't appear to matter how long it is since I've last had a drink, these thoughts - or rather, lack of thoughts - occur and off I can go, back down the slippery slope again.

It's a job that I have to work at continually, to keep myself aware of the fact that yes, I am an alcoholic and yes, I will be for the rest of my life and no, it is not acceptable for me to risk going down the alcohol road again.

Sometimes it is difficult to remember. Yes, I have to admit that I've tripped up a few times. I've both forgotten and denied the fact that I'm an alcoholic. I've told myself lies such as "Don't worry, a pint will do you no harm." Hah, I should wish!!!

The minute that I try that one then I'm down the road again and it's always the wrong road, taking me nowhere good - until I realise the mistake that I'm making - again. Will possibly do it again, maybe a few times but I hope not. I can never see myself being able to cope with alcohol again, never able to enjoy a couple of pints with the boys or take the lady of my life out for a meal with a normal glass of wine with it.

Let's face it, what's normal???

In my case, it's a tin of coke or a cup of coffee. There is nothing unsocial or abnormal about that.

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